Archives for : March2011

It’s a new day, It’s a new dawn

Every beginning has an end. every end has a new beginning.

It’s been 11 years and 4 days since we got together. We’ve had good times. We’ve had bad times. Whatever happened, you were always there for me, and I did my best to be there for you. You’ve been the light in my life. My shoulder to cry on. You’ve been my best friend and my worst enemy. You’ve been more than I could ever have asked or even dreamed of. You were the one for me and the one I hoped would one day marry, after almost 7 years of being engaged, waiting to hear you say you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me.

Last night all of that was taken away from me. I woke up this morning in a dark corner of the deepest recesses of my mind. Not even knowing if I’d have the strength to swing my legs over the edge of the bed so I could start another day. The only thing I remember from driving in to work was seeing you, as you undertook me, in the buslane, while I was sitting there stuck in traffic, deep in my own thoughts.

Right now I don’t know what to say, what to do or how to act. I keep wandering the office hallways, like a zombie. all I can think of is you. My mind keeps exploding, tears filling my eyes, to reminding myself of where I am and what I am supposed to be doing. Work. Trying to help someone sort out some permissions problem they have, because they can’t create files on some host, all I can see in front of me is your face.

I would do anything to get those years back, starting from fresh, so I could treat you better than I have done. So I could keep holding you in my arms for another 11 years and 4 days.

That won’t happen now. Those days are gone and left behind us, floating away like leafs on a cold autumn day.

You know you’ve met the one to spend your life with, when you realise, they are more than you can ever hope to deserve. This is what you have been to me, my love, my shining light, the one I aspire to be one day.

Now, I can no longer feel your love, your passionate kiss on my lips, your tender embrace.

Now, I get to spend my days, in the place we bought together, as lovers, as friends, on my own. Sitting in the couch, hearing nothing but the silence after you have left, waiting for you to come back home, just one more time, just one more hug, just one more kiss. I’ll be sitting there, hoping even for one of the arguments that we had. Loud, noisy, hours on end. The times we had are just that, times we had. They’ll never come back, only to be remembered. All the good and all the bad. I wouldn’t have wanted to have had them any other way.

But now, it’s a new day, it’s a new dawn. It’s my day. It’s my dawn. I’ll still love you, even though I will never have you back again. It’s now my day, my dawn, my own time.

Goodbye my love. Goodbye my light. It’s a new day. It’s a new dawn.

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